hello.

i am such a nerd x]]

i was bored. so i went to gmail settings,where i discovered the label button :o

now. i have many,unnecessary, colorful labels ;]

lets just say. i love colorcoding. and today was a good day :D

ahahahahhaa.

i look up to whoever actually believes in this quote. 

the worst thing a person can do to me is insult me. cuss me out. belittle me so much that i cant bounce back. i mean. if someone slaps me. i can deal with that. if someone punches me. i can deal with that. but if someone yells at me, or is even slightly disappointed in me. it eats me up.

i have no idea why. it just does. maybe its just my little emo side speaking up, or whatever, but words truly hurt me more than anything.

i read into things too much sometimes. the slightest words. tones. the way something is written. if i think someone is annoyed by me, or disappointed by me, pissed off at me, or if i made them sad. it really gets to me. i just dont know how to respond. i crawl into my shell and wait. wait for someone to save me from my embarrassment. from my sadness. for someone to say that it was okay. even though i think. i know. that it wasnt.

maybe its because i dislike causing anyone pain or discomfort. maybe i have low self esteem. maybe im just a girl with too many emotions that i keep bottled up to myself. i dont know. i just cant figure out why words hurt me so much.

why cant i have that dgaf (excuse my language) attitude i see in other girls? do i really need more confidence? no matter what other people say i think its hard to be confident. its something i just dont see myself as. im not saying im not awesome or anything ;] ahahaha. but i just dont see myself as that loud girl who doesnt let anything bring her down.

everything people say to me i take to heart. this is good in some cases because it makes me more compassionate and sympathetic, but it also causes me to get hurt easily. plus, i dont like to show that im hurt. so i try to brush it off, but its still bugging me on the inside.

sigh. i dont realy know where i was going with this. just a huge rant about me and my weirdness with words.

if only there was a way that i could not let words bother me. but it’s so hard, i overthink everything D:

erg. rant over.

ahaha. funny thing is. im probably going to be embarrassed that i ever wrote this random and semidepressing post. oh well. at least its out there.